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Hi my name is JoLene i am a recently divorced single mother an survivor of domestic abuse, however i am disabled; for now, im fighting back with a team of dr's working on my spine to get me back on my feet asap! im am in a very precarious situation since my divorce after 2yrs of living with an abusive husband my sons father decided to kidnapp him an take me to court for sole custody, an he fights dirty! he has tried to get all my resources taken away with lies so that he can prove me unfit, he is trying to make it imossible for me to care for my 4 children by getting our financial aid/food/medical taken away, an my housing assistance an last he has contacted my landlord to have him refuse to let me stay past jan 31st.since my lease became month to month, now i have an amazing attorney who is fighting on my behalf against everything including every wrench my ex throws into this custody battle. i had to take my 3yr old son to the E.R. last week with bruises he said his dad gave him the owies, but this man works with the police department an prides himself on how well he plays politics so it is going nowhere, in the meantime i have found a different house but the leasing agent/landlord requires the security deposit by feb 1 to hold the house till my housing authority can get me transferred an inspect an approved for them to make the payments to the landlord on my behave so i have no worries about affording the house after i scure it. if their are any angels out there that can help in anyway so we dont end up on the street in a week plz contact me via email just31mine@gmail.com i can provide proof of everything the agency that handles leasing/maintenance/management for the landlords can be reached directly by googling deltarep.com an has a pay direct online option i wld have to give the address but not on here for safety sake, like i said anything will help i just cant afford to loose this house or i will lose my son/kids an that is not an option they are my life! thanks for reading an God Bless!  

Domestic Violence Intake Center

Monday – Friday 8:00AM – 12:30AM

1^st Floor, Room 1150

Jefferson Hall of Justice

600 W. Jefferson Street

(502) 595-0853

Escape the Cycle of Domestic Violence
If you are a victim of domestic violence, you can seek help by coming to the Domestic Violence Intake Center. Here you can find assistance in obtaining protection from your abuser while you take the important first steps to break away from the cycle of violence.

If someone in your family, including your spouse dating/romantic partner, or the parent of your child has abused you, we can help.

Our staff will work with you in a secure environment, and help you begin the legal process to get the protection you need to help stop the violence.

Legal Protections Available

Emergency Protective Order
An Emergency Protective Order (EPO) is a civil remedy for the problem of family domestic violence. Its purpose is to prevent the domestic violence from occurring again by placing restrictions upon the abuser’s actions. It is short term and temporary until the court sets a hearing to determine whether to issue a more permanent Domestic Violence Order (DVO). No attorney fee is required.

Criminal Complaint
A Criminal Complaint is a criminal remedy that can be used in cases of domestic violence. If there is probable cause for a criminal complaint, either an arrest warrant or a criminal summons may be issued against your abuser. No attorney or fee is required.

EPOs and /or Criminal Complaints are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week


Other Services Available

The Domestic Violence Intake Center offers additional services to help you begin a new way of life. These services include:

• victim safety planning
• advocacy
• community referrals to counseling, social services and legal advocacy
• clothing
• 911 cell phones

Information to Bring to the  Domestic Violence Intake Center

• A photo ID
• The abuser’s full name, address, social security number, birthday, place of employment, witness’ names (including police officer)
• A copy of any existing EPO/DVO An address where you can receive information from the court 

Safety During a Violent Episode

Choose  one or more neighbors you trust, tell them about  the violence, and ask that they call the police immediately if they hear a disturbance coming from your home.

• Practice how to get out of your home safely.
  Identify which doors, windows, elevators or stairwells would be best and where extra keys are hidden.
• If an argument seems unavoidable, try to have it in a room or area where you have an exit. Avoid the kitchen, bedroom or anywhere weapons might be available.
• Choose a code word to use with your children, family and neighbors so they will know when to call the police for you. Teach your children to Dial 911 and review safety measures with them as often as possible.
• Decide and plan where you will go if you have to leave home, even if you do not think you will need to.

Contributing Agencies

Jefferson County Attorney

Commonwealth’s Attorney

Jefferson County Sheriff

Jefferson County Circuit Court Clerk

Metro Louisville

Jefferson District Court

Louisville/Jefferson County Crime Commission

Center for Women & Families

National Council of Jewish Women

Domestic Violence Reform Committee

I am on here to get more attention to a non-profit that was founded by four Muslim women in metro Atlanta called Baitul Salaam that helps women/families (all races, ethnicities and religions) who are in trouble due to some form of domestic abuse.

We assist with food, temporary shelter, referrals for jobs/career, clothing, medical assistance (including mental health), support groups, etc.  People can help from home using their computers and never spend a dime. We get money from a company called iGive.com each time someone shops from their web site (top stores) or uses a search box we get a donation by check in six to eight weeks.  Our search box is at iGive.com/BSN.

Our web site is at www.baitulsalaam.net.  

Our family has recently been through domestic abuse and are in desperate need of christmas cheer.  I was brutally beaten by my husband so badley he broke my leg.  He also abused my children and we had to move away suddenly in order to stay safe.  We just arrived several states away and I want them to have something this year since so much has happened to them.  I am unable to provide that at this time and just want my children to feel like children for once in a long time.  They are beautiful supportive loveing little people and I would do anything to give them something back for all the hell they have been through. They're father has disappeared and has not tried to contact them in over a year and is running from child support.  They're stepfather is in jail for trying to hurt them and hurting me.  They are 3 months, 4yrs, and 8yrs of age.  Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Hi - I have fibromyalgia and have a neck and back injury from domestic abuse.  I now need job retraining and can accomplish that in a year and a half.  I have five sons.  I get OWF, work 35 hours per week, get foodstamps, and live in GMHA housing.  I have bills that I need to pay - namely, gas, electric, car insurance, car gas, internet for school, and rent.  My needs are $1500 a month to survive while I go to school.  I have applied and am approved for school through BVR and I am applying for tuition assistance through FAFSA.  I cannot work and attend full time school.  I can get a job after a year and a half training through cosmetology.  I have an interview scheduled with my chosen school.  I receive no child support, no alimony.  I can do this with help from someone.  I have no relatives left to help me.  Can you please help someone who wants to work and needs re-training?  I need to be able to make a living to keep our family together and become self-sufficient.

i am surprised to see nothing in this discussion. i don't know about any of the other survivors out there, but i still live with the remenants of my abuse everyday of my life. it is a part of me that i cannot shake. i am not sure i want to though...it taught me alot about who i was and who i wasn't...

I am a victim of domestic abuse, and have two beautiful and very bright twin girls who will be entering high school in September of 2009.  They too are victims, and for the last eight years of their lives they have been subjected to a less then perfect existence. I am working part-time and their father has abandoned us.  He does pay child support, but that is not enough to cover the pending costs of high school tuition - which will be about $14,000.00 a year for the two of them.  Help!  Is there anyway to get the help I need.  I can't let my girls down again, they have been through enough, and really want to attend a private school where their peers will see them as equals and treat them with respect and dignity.  Public middle school has been another disappointment to them.  Enough is enough - they deserve a better future.

Hi.  I am a newly seperate mom of 6 (4 at home, 2 in college) who is in desperate need of financial assistace.  My situation is a longggggg story, so I will try to condense it. 

I married an illegal alien (didnt know he was illegal until after our marriage).  I tried to get him legal, but with no luck.  We have been married for 5 years, and in May of this year, he walked out on us.  We have 2 children together, a boy age 3 and a girl age 18mths.  I was (and still) totally in love with him.  The break up is devestating.  But the worst part is that he spent $369,000 starting his business and buying expensive toys.  A Hummer H2, 2 motorcycles, xbox 360/ps2/psp/ipods, boats/waverunners, Motorhome, you name it.  I thought we were doing well.  Nope.  When he walked out he told me, he hadnt made any car payments in months and hadnt made a mortgage payment in 7 months.  Our cars have repossed, along with our motorhome.  Good riddens.  My home is being foreclosed next month.  I need to rebuild my life.  There are no jobs here.  I am well educated and trained, with tons of experience.  But there are just no jobs.  I am hoping to move to another state as soon as the courts will let me.  I am working hard to secure a job elsewhere and find housing.  However, I need to declare bankruptcy ... $1000, and finish my divorce.  My attorney thinks it will cost $10,000 to get through the divorce, since my husband has filed a fraudulent restraining order on me, so that he can steal the kids and run off to Mexico.  I am scared, alone, and don't want to be a victim.  I just don't know where to turn.  I have been to every organization that helps with food stamps, health care, financial assistance for heating, churches, etc.  I am hoping that during my RO contested hearing that I will be able to have the RO dropped and get supervised visitation orders for my husband.  I want him to see the kids, I just can't have him run with the kids to Mexico!  Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated.  I am praying someone can help me. I need help with rent, food, clothing, attorney costs and moving expenses.

I am a single mum who left domestic abuse a year ago i cannot afford to get my chidlren much for xmas, i cannot work because the house i am in costs so much rent, the council wont house me..i cant afford my bills.....:(

I have compiled information from my victimization college class and the most popular Web sites, such as Recovery man about domestic abuse. I have seen and heard time over and again about men and women who are in different types of abusive relationships.

Women's Web writes on their Web site that it is common to hear "Why do women stay in abusive relationships?" or "Why don't they leave?" These types of questions, although common, have a tendency—whether unintentional or not—to blame victims and to suggest they enjoy or thrive on being abused. If they did not enjoy being ill-treated, they would leave, right? Obviously, if they choose to stay, they must have low self-esteem, right?

No. These attitudes are common myths about victims of domestic violence. The fact is that reasons for staying are far more complex than a blanket statement about a victim's character or strength of will. In some cases, women may seem to "want" to be beaten.

For those who come from dysfunctional families—families in which they were routinely beaten and emotionally abused as children—they know no other patterns of behavior and have learned to expect frequent incidents of violence. For such women, the anxiety of waiting for the next outburst of violence is often more stressful and agonizing than the violence itself. They hate not knowing when they will next be hit, kicked, punched, burned, bitten, or stabbed, and they would rather "get it over with" than not know when they will next be abused.

Often, it is dangerous for a woman to leave an abusive relationship. If her abuser is economically abusive (see The Types of Abuse) and withholds all family money from her, leaving can lead to additional hardships. Leaving could mean living in fear of being stalked, fear of losing custody of any minor children (parental abduction is common), losing financial support, and experiencing harassment at work.

Do not underestimate the effects of domestic violence on its victims. Abused women experience isolation, shame, embarrassment, and humiliation. Women may not immediately leave an abusive relationship because:

• They fear their abusers will become more violent—perhaps fatal—stalking them if they leave.
• Friends and family may not support their decision to leave.
• They fear being a single parent with little money.
• There are periods of calm; nurturing and love between incidents of violence (see The Cycle of Abuse).
• They may be unaware of sources of advocacy and support.
• They may be unaware of shelters and other resources that offer safety and support.

Lack of resources

• Most abused women have at least one minor child.
• Many abused women are not employed outside the home.
• Many abused women do not have property that is solely theirs.
• In many cases, abusers have cut off access to cash or bank accounts.
• Most abused women fear losing joint assets and custody of their children.
• Abused women fear a lower standard of living for themselves and their children.

Responses by services and authorities
(See How Professionals Can Respond)

• Often, clergy and social workers are trained to "save the family" rather than to stop violence.
• Police often treat incidents of domestic violence as mere "disputes" rather than as serious crimes in which one person is physically assaulting another.
• Police may try to discourage women from pressing criminal charges.
• Attorneys are often reluctant to prosecute cases. Justices rarely assign the maximum sentence or fine possible.
• Restraining orders and peace bonds (see Stalking) do little to prevent abusers from repeating their violent patterns of behavior. Sadly, there are too few shelters to keep women safe.

Traditional thinking

• Many women do not view divorce as a viable alternative.
• Many abused women do not accept the notion of single parenting. They believe a bad father (or in the case of a lesbian relationship, a bad partner) is better than none at all.
• Many women are conditioned to believe they are responsible for making their marriage or relationship work; that if the relationship fails, they have failed as women. Society has often taught these women that their worth is measured by their ability to get and keep a man.
• Many abused women feel isolated from their families and from society. Either isolation is the result of the abuser's possessiveness or jealousy, or it may be an attempt on the part of the victim to hide signs of abuse from the outside world. Either way, such isolation leads many victims to feel they have nowhere to turn.
• Many victims externalize or rationalize the reasons for their abuser's behavior, casting blame of circumstances such as stress, financial hardship, job stress, chemical dependency, etc.
• Between violent episodes, there are periods of calm during which the abuser is charming, nurturing, and caring. Those traits, which initially attracted him/her to his /her victim, resurface and the victim sees her abuser as a loving person, thereby reinforcing her decision to stay. (See The Cycle of Abuse.)

The safest way to find information on the Internet would be at a local library or a friend's house. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), TDD 1-800-787-3224. The DOJ Office of Crime Victim Services has many links to help domestic victims.

The process of leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and dangerous. Safety is the primary concern. Even if you do not think your partner poses a risk, leaving often triggers an increase in violence. It is best to prepare as much as you can ahead of time.

Ask a friend or family member to keep items you gather to take with you. Make sure the person you choose will not tell your abuser about your plans to leave. Do not take anything the abuser will notice as missing.

Things to Stash Away:

·         Money

·         Contact information for a local domestic violence shelter

·         Prescribed medications

·         Legal documents for you and your children (e.g. birth certificates, social security cards)

·         Photographs or written evidence of the abuse

·         Financial records and account numbers

·         Personal belongings possessing sentimental value

·         Clothing and personal needs

·         A plan that safely removes yourself and you children from the home

 ·         Transportation for yourself, children and belongings

·         A safe place to stay

·         How to manage being gone from home for an extended time

·         Referral to a lawyer or legal advocate to obtain a personal protection order, temporary child custody order, etc.

 ·         Contact information for any support resources you will be using:

          ---Crisis line numbers

          ---Abuse support groups         

          ---Domestic violence shelter

·         Undestroyed personal belongings with sentimental value. These should be heavily prioritized with an eye toward safety and ease of movement -- Grandpa's wedding ring will be easier to take than his big brass bed, and taking the kids school pictures that are boxed up ahead of time will be easier than taking the ones that are on the wall [which might be grabbed in the process of leaving in a hurry].

  Line up a place to stay that will have enough security that you will be safe. Again, err a little on the side of paranoia here -- if you do not think your abuser is going to be dangerous, keep in mind that even abusers who have never used physical abuse tactics have killed their partners when they left. It is better to be a little more secure than you need to be than to die because you underestimated your danger. You may even need to leave the area to get the amount of security you need -- whatever it is, have as much lined up ahead of time as you can, including transportation for you and whatever else you are going to be taking.

  Be prepared to stay gone for an extended amount of time. Perhaps indefinitely. Your abuser is not going to change in a matter of a month or two. You will need to have a new place to live lined up quickly because any emergency shelter you find will be temporary in nature - a matter of a week or two.

  Be prepared for your abuser to sabotage your efforts to leave. The abuser might tamper with your car. Your abuser may take time off work to stay around the house to make sure you do not leave. The abuse may escalate, or you may begin a whole new Honeymoon or Reconciliation Phase.

  Be careful about who you notify about your plans to leave. Some friends or family members, with the best of intentions, may tell your abuser of your plans to leave, or otherwise leak the information in a way which could put you in a great deal of jeopardy.

  Be tolerant of those who counsel you to "give it one more chance" or to "try to make it work out." They mean well but have no idea of how much effort you have put into this already and how much danger you face. If it helps, hear these words, as "We don't want you to make the decision to leave lightly because we know it will have serious impacts on the rest of your life."  Some folks, including members of your family, may go beyond this and actively oppose you leaving. Perhaps this is because they feel that it will reflect badly on them to have this "failure" in their family -- it is hard to say. You may be able to identify the sources of this opposition and the form that opposition may take, and consider this in preparing your safety plan. Then again, you might not be. So be prepared to be surprised -- it is much better to be pleasantly surprised that to be unpleasantly when opposition comes from an unexpected source.

  Ask for referrals to attorneys with experience in helping abuse victims.

Adequate legal representation can help make certain that all appropriate criminal and civil legal steps are taken to protect you. Understand the limitations and uses of a protective order or no contact order. Although they cannot stop a bullet (unless they are printed on Kevlar), legal orders can be useful as a part of your total safety plan.

For those of you who had the courage to prosecute your abuser--there is VINELink. Click on your State link for resources and help.

 VINELink is the online version of VINE (Victim Information and Notification Everyday), the National Victim Notification Network. This service allows crime victims to obtain timely and reliable information about criminal cases and the custody status of offenders 24 hours a day. Victims and other concerned citizens can also register to be notified by phone, email or TTY device when an offender's custody status changes. Users can also register through their participating state or county toll-free number.

  Please consider leaving a note. It does not have to be much -- just a short note explaining that you are leaving, that you are safe, that you do not want your abuser to try to find you or to bother your family or friends, and that you will be in touch as soon as you feel safe to do so. Alternatively, any of part of that that you feel comfortable with -- certainly be cautious about providing any information that might in any way compromise your security. This little thing can save a lot of heartache in your abuser if he or she has any legitimate concern for you and your welfare -- if you feel like showing your abuser a bit of compassion, this will be more than adequate.

Understand that leaving will not solve all your problems. The damage that has been done and you are not going to heal from it without considerable time and effort. No, this is not fair, but it is real. Enjoy your sense of freedom and safety, but remember that there is a lot of work and tough time in front of you. When those bad times come, you may be tempted to give up or look for an easy way out instead of sticking to your guns. Be prepared for your discouragement and you are less likely to be blown away by it. As the 12 Step folks say, the only way out is through.

  Step up your use of whatever therapy and support groups are available after you leave. Be sensitive to any tendencies in yourself to overlook potential dangers should you return, any feelings that your abuser has changed (with less than six months weekly treatment and a commitment to lifetime support and accountability), any feelings that this was all your fault, any feelings that you are worthless, or any feelings that you are harming your children by breaking up their family -- these are very common feelings and fears that people use to justify to themselves (and others) their giving up on the healing and recovering process in favor of returning to the comfort of the abuse cycle they've grown accustomed to.

  As much as possible, focus on what you see and think rather than what you feel. Your feelings can be expected to swing wildly, and are not going to be reliable guides in every instance. It is very common after leaving an abusive situation for feelings of love for your abuser and mourning of your relationship to make going back into that situation seem very attractive or even necessary. One of the most important things you can do is to be honest with yourself and look at the hard cold reality of where you are and work with what is, rather than what might be. Comforting lies and denial will find you back with your abuser and under the gun again if you entertain them, and that is not going to feel any better in the end.

  Be prepared for your abuser to experience a "miraculous recovery.” You may see tears. You may get presents. You may get wonderful sounding apologies -- perhaps publicly and embarrassingly. You may hear all the things you have said you wanted but never heard before. This is all very interesting, and may be heart-felt and sincere. However, none of this matters if your abuser is not progressing in an active treatment environment for at least a year. This may be Honeymoon Phase, or it may be reality. Until you see real accountability for the past and ongoing accountability for the mistakes along the way, you will have no way of knowing which it is.

  Give yourself some time before you consider starting a relationship with someone else. A year or two is not a long time to wait. People, like water, seek their own level, and the sort of person you will attract and be attracted to early in your recovery is not the sort of person you will be attracted to (or even interested in) after a couple of years of healing. There is also a danger of trying to anesthetize the pain you will experience with the strong feelings that come from romance and sex, in much the same way people anesthetize their pain with drugs like alcohol. Be patient with yourself, and be strong.

  FACTS—If you have children, they, of course, will have issues to deal with because of this. Parenting is a completely new set of issues you will need to take into account in the midst of your healing process.

  1] On average, an abuse victim will leave his or her abuser seven times before staying gone. This is due in part to a lack of preparation, be it physical, financial or mental. This going and coming process can be quite grueling and dangerous -- remember that the most dangerous point in an abusive relationship is the time during and immediately after leaving.

  2] Leaving your abuser does not mean giving up on your marriage or never giving your abuser a chance to change and put the relationship back together.

  3] Leaving can be the very thing that gives you a chance to put your relationship together. However, the longer you wait to leave -- the more abuse you put up with before leaving -- the less chance there is that you will be able to put your relationship back together even if your abuser does change. Abusers can change, but most do not change fundamentally to become abuse-free, they just change tactics to continue getting what they want.   

I'm (fortunately) not currently in need of help.  I found this site while doing a search re. disabled housing for a friend who's on (very low) Soc. Sec. disability & is currently in a domestic violence shelter after leaving her abusive husband.  She's finding it very challenging to find a place in our city (low-income housing is tight, and even more so for the disabled).  I myself am disabled, and was previously in an abusive marriage.  I'll be glad to talk with anybody dealing with similar situations. 

I am a single mom much in need of help.  I have two young boys and am struggling to make ends meet.  I have no cable/internet/home phone or cell phone right now.  My only form of communication is the internet when I am at work.  My email address is dallas2hot@yahoo.com.  I work a full time job, am a normal, honest person with good morals and values.  My two boys are 4 1/2 & 8.  I hardly have enough money to get groceries or to pay the electricity/rent.  I do have a good vehicle that is paid for....due to very hard work.  I feel like I am doing everything I can for my family and it's still not enough.  I am not receiving any help from any agency/government/state program(s) and am not receiving child support for either of my kids right now either.  One's dad was abusive and has fled the state.  I have hired Support Kids to find him and pursue him for the money owed to me, but they say they have exhausted all efforts in finding him as well since he hides out, and gets jobs that pay cash under the table.  The other boys dad lives with his mom, is a loser, and will probably always be a loser, and when we were together, he expected me to support him.  I left him when I was two months pregnant.  My mom died a couple of years ago, and so now I have no family in state, no one to help watch the kids, or anything.  If anyone has any help they can offer, or any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated.  Right now, my son starts school on Monday, and I have no money to get him school supplies or new shoes.

Thanks,

DallasGurl

I am a single mom struggling to make it on my own with two little boys.  My boys are 4 1/2 & 8.  I work full time, have always worked hard to take care of my responsibilities.  I have never used any government agency to help me, because I don't want to feel like I have to depend on them, and they have so much stuff you have to do to get any help it's a little ridiculous, when 3/4 of my time is spent at work or in traffic.  I am 29 years old and live in the Dallas area.  I have been a victim in the past of domestic abuse...and got out of that relationship as soon as I could.  I have been through a lot, my mom died a couple of years ago, and now I have no family in state, no one to help with the boys, it's very hard.

I recently kicked my husband out of my house.  He was abusive and I finally got the courage to do it.  My only problem now is financially.  I am seeking a job.  I hate to put my children in daycare.  Plus, its hard to find a job when you're pregnant.  My rent is due on the 1st and I have shut off notices for my utilities.  I went to social services, they aren't even trying to help me.  I need help!!!

Hi,

I am a mom to 2 daughters who are not in school yet.  I would add a pic but afraid someone my husband knows would see this and then I would be in deep trouble.

I am 39 years old and have been married almost 7 years.  When I married my husband, I was so happy and had only the highest hopes for our family.

A few months after we married, I discovered he has a drinking and gambling problem.  He subsequently became very abusive towards us.  It became physical during my 2nd pregnancy.  I have been working on "fixing" our marriage for years but have finally realized he does not have a good heart and nothing I can do will help.

I am afraid he will kill me when I try to leave but know it's our only chance at a safe future... I am also very concerned about his overtly-sexual behavior towards our daughters. 

He has control over all the money ~ he would never put my name on the bank accounts and won't even let me see what we have in the bank.  I make small amounts of money from odd jobs and am looking for more secure employment.

I know that I need to leave but I have no money.  I need an attorney and a small amount to reloacte if necessary.  I'm worried about the attorney most of all because he has told me repeatedly that if I try to leave him, he will ruin me and take the children.  I believe he will try because he has destroyed my property out of anger when I don't do what he wants.

If anyone could help my children and I, I would be forever grateful and am willing to do whatever it takes to get my children into a safe and stable home.

thank you so much ~

mom24gr8kids

I am 40 years old and live in a small-ish town where I was born.  I was raised by good parents and always looked forward to being an adult and living my dreams.

I have an education and am always doing any temp job I can find.

My problem area is in the men I have met, specifically my husband.  This has been my only marriage and I truly thought it would be for life ~ I was determined to never get a divorce.  I have countless books about how to save a marriage, understand your alcoholic spouce etc but I finally realized I was with someone who didn't have a good heart and nothing I could do could make him that way.

I sell items online ~ toys or clothes we no longer can use but it only brings in a small amount.  I have been looking for work but haven't landed a job yet ~ this area is harder unless you're an engineer or nurse, it seems.  I look forward to moving to a larger area so we can start our life over ~ I pray that my husband does not try to follow us or hurt me and need to get a will in case something does happen to me.

If there is anything you would like to know about me, feel free to contact me ~